I am tiiiiired, but I'm going to post today, because it will be good for my mental health. I babysat my niece (7 months) and nephew (6 years) today. They are very sweet kids, but it ended up being a crabby day for both.
I'm a do-er. I can't see someone I love in need and not start doing stuff for them. I always wish I could do more. I kind of wish others would do more, but it's my natural inclination to pick up the slack for others. I try not to judge others for their lack of involvement; I understand that I have no immunity to the need-to-please bug. However, it's hard for me to relate to people because of this. I can't understand how some people sleep at night when their child/sister/friend is sick and crying out for help. It hurts me to see a need unfulfilled in someone I love, to know I can't do any more than I am doing, and to see others who are in a position to help just turn away.
I also don't understand helping only on the helper's terms. Yes, I understand we all need to set boundaries for ourselves, and I'm learning to do that - to not do so much for others that I neglect my own needs. But there was this Jesus dude* who said something about giving away not only your coat, but your shirt, too, when someone just asks for your coat. I take that to mean I should be okay giving up my own comforts when someone is in need. Why do other Christians miss this one? Or a better question - why do I, of all people, interpret it this way? Is it just me? I don't understand this selfishness. I'm not saying that to praise myself. I truly don't have a place in my brain that recognizes the desire to say, "No, I won't help you the way you want me to because I'd rather XYZ." I have a conscience that would kick myself in the face if I said that.
Since I'm saying a lot of weird things today, I'll add this - I usually am okay with complements. I mean, I can at least accept them with a sprinkle of grace. I've been having a hard time with this lately, mainly because lately people have been praising me for helping others. I'm totally not okay with this. While it feels really good to know that others think I'm nice, I don't feel comfortable accepting praise for helping others. In some strange way I feel it takes something away from the one in need - I'd rather people recognize the NEED instead of the fulfillment of it. Also, I don't know what to do with all the "thank yous". I think I'll stick them in a sack so when I'm feeling unappreciated (it's usually the small, day-to-day stuff that I feel unappreciated for, but don't we all?), I can just pull them out. :D
*I try to avoid the political and religious stuff. It doesn't always happen, though. My apologies.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Dear twenty-one-year-old Holly
You don't have a clue what mercy is yet. Figure it out, and practice doling it out generously to those you love, especially Nick. Otherwise, it will be a hard lesson to learn.
Cherish your time with your step dad. Visit Nanny. Make a special trip to see Great Grandma and Great Grandpa. Tell Nick to spend more time with his dad. In three years, they will all be gone.
Don't buy that Camry. Save money and make do until you can afford something more reliable. You will put more money into the Camry than you've paid for it.
Don't look at each educational opportunity as how it fits into a specific career. Learn all you can about all you can, and enjoy it while you do.
On that note, be open to all possibilities. Twenty-one is young. Don't feel rushed to choose a path. Enjoy what you do. Every day.
If you're going to invest in furniture/household items, buy black or white. Your tastes will change. Someday, you'll appreciate modern details. You'll also enjoy decorating, and you can change out colors easily if you have a colorless background.
Eat healthy foods now. Start a REGULAR exercise routine - you'll be more likely to stick with it.
Your wedding will be the most memorable day of your life, regardless of how much you spend on it. Take all the money you receive and put it in a savings account. You'll never know when you'll need it.
Get Nick to a doctor. Make him go once a year. If he's feeling icky and can't get to a doctor, take him to urgent care. If he needs to go to the ER from there, they'll let you know. Don't take him to the ER first, even if you're not sure. When it's time to go to the ER, you won't doubt it. This will save you THOUSANDS of dollars.
Encourage Nick to apply to medical school as soon as he's ready. Make it easy on him to complete his schooling first. You can finish an undergrad degree later.
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF. Don't make any major decisions that affect your future or current happiness based on "shoulds". Your future is yours to make. DO WHAT YOU LOVE!!! If you have to ask yourself if you could be happy in a particular field, it's not for you.
Having children will change your life. It will no longer be yours, but will belong to someone else. I don't know this from having my own children, but by helping others with theirs.
Enjoy your twenties. You will end up spending most of them in school. You will not have children in a year or two, or even three or four. At twenty-five, you'll realize that was a good choice and will be grateful you waited. Don't plan to have children until after you and Nick can have genetic carrier testing.
Do not smoke. Ever.
Do not judge others. Ever. Remember the mercy rule.
Do not tolerate bad behavior against you. There should be no mercy here. Be stern. Learn what it means to stand your ground. Don't speak, act. Teach others how to treat you. Don't allow them to think it's okay to mistreat you.
If others continue to mistreat you, cut them out of your life, regardless of their relationship to you. We all deserve the opportunity for a peaceful existence.
You don't have it all figured out. Your faith will waver. Your faith will grow. Truly, faith will become a choice to believe even in the face of evidence to the contrary. It doesn't matter where you go to church, or if you even go at all. Faith is a highly personal thing and is nobody's business but your own. Your journey is your journey, alone. Don't seek the answers in a church. Find them by seeking God, not by seeking the herd.
Your dog will love you no matter what.
Cherish your time with your step dad. Visit Nanny. Make a special trip to see Great Grandma and Great Grandpa. Tell Nick to spend more time with his dad. In three years, they will all be gone.
Don't buy that Camry. Save money and make do until you can afford something more reliable. You will put more money into the Camry than you've paid for it.
Don't look at each educational opportunity as how it fits into a specific career. Learn all you can about all you can, and enjoy it while you do.
On that note, be open to all possibilities. Twenty-one is young. Don't feel rushed to choose a path. Enjoy what you do. Every day.
If you're going to invest in furniture/household items, buy black or white. Your tastes will change. Someday, you'll appreciate modern details. You'll also enjoy decorating, and you can change out colors easily if you have a colorless background.
Eat healthy foods now. Start a REGULAR exercise routine - you'll be more likely to stick with it.
Your wedding will be the most memorable day of your life, regardless of how much you spend on it. Take all the money you receive and put it in a savings account. You'll never know when you'll need it.
Get Nick to a doctor. Make him go once a year. If he's feeling icky and can't get to a doctor, take him to urgent care. If he needs to go to the ER from there, they'll let you know. Don't take him to the ER first, even if you're not sure. When it's time to go to the ER, you won't doubt it. This will save you THOUSANDS of dollars.
Encourage Nick to apply to medical school as soon as he's ready. Make it easy on him to complete his schooling first. You can finish an undergrad degree later.
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF. Don't make any major decisions that affect your future or current happiness based on "shoulds". Your future is yours to make. DO WHAT YOU LOVE!!! If you have to ask yourself if you could be happy in a particular field, it's not for you.
Having children will change your life. It will no longer be yours, but will belong to someone else. I don't know this from having my own children, but by helping others with theirs.
Enjoy your twenties. You will end up spending most of them in school. You will not have children in a year or two, or even three or four. At twenty-five, you'll realize that was a good choice and will be grateful you waited. Don't plan to have children until after you and Nick can have genetic carrier testing.
Do not smoke. Ever.
Do not judge others. Ever. Remember the mercy rule.
Do not tolerate bad behavior against you. There should be no mercy here. Be stern. Learn what it means to stand your ground. Don't speak, act. Teach others how to treat you. Don't allow them to think it's okay to mistreat you.
If others continue to mistreat you, cut them out of your life, regardless of their relationship to you. We all deserve the opportunity for a peaceful existence.
You don't have it all figured out. Your faith will waver. Your faith will grow. Truly, faith will become a choice to believe even in the face of evidence to the contrary. It doesn't matter where you go to church, or if you even go at all. Faith is a highly personal thing and is nobody's business but your own. Your journey is your journey, alone. Don't seek the answers in a church. Find them by seeking God, not by seeking the herd.
Your dog will love you no matter what.
results
I did end up putting together a yard sale. We raised almost $1200! The exciting part is that we did it in about 4 four hours. The storms came at noon and rained us out for the afternoon. My sister's garage is full of donated items, and I still have more! I don't think we can get another yard sale together before we leave, but there is definitely enough for them to do it all again with minimal effort.
Saturday we're having a car wash that's been in the works for several weeks. I'm guessing it will be a big money raiser. My sister's family will need it since they're having most of the treatments in Ohio.
I had a great vacation to Savannah with Nick. We stayed with Uncle Mike, who happens to be an awesome sounding board for figuring stuff out. I was able to clarify that what I really want to do is to counsel others. Since then I've found and applied for a masters program at the university where Nick will be going to medical school. I have dreams of someday instituting a program that facilitates the needs of family members who are dealing with the death of a loved one. It would not only assist in the mental health needs of the family, but also the practical needs - sort of like a wedding planner, but for a death. It would be more personal than the services a funeral home provides and would provide assistance in coordinating all the details the living are left with when a loved one dies, whether the death was expected or not.
Saturday we're having a car wash that's been in the works for several weeks. I'm guessing it will be a big money raiser. My sister's family will need it since they're having most of the treatments in Ohio.
I had a great vacation to Savannah with Nick. We stayed with Uncle Mike, who happens to be an awesome sounding board for figuring stuff out. I was able to clarify that what I really want to do is to counsel others. Since then I've found and applied for a masters program at the university where Nick will be going to medical school. I have dreams of someday instituting a program that facilitates the needs of family members who are dealing with the death of a loved one. It would not only assist in the mental health needs of the family, but also the practical needs - sort of like a wedding planner, but for a death. It would be more personal than the services a funeral home provides and would provide assistance in coordinating all the details the living are left with when a loved one dies, whether the death was expected or not.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
preparations for the move
Our move is a month away, but I'm starting to pack today. All of our moves have seemed like they were last-minute ordeals, often pushing back our moving agenda a day or two each time. By now, we should have this moving thing down. Since we knew we'd only be in Tennessee six months, our closets are still full of unpacked boxes, which makes me think - perhaps we don't need all the stuff that's in them. So this move will include major downsizing. Our new house is smaller than our current townhouse, but also cheaper. We'll appreciate the savings while we're in school and will gladly sacrifice our junk.
We have collected several pieces of unmatched furniture over the years. I'm over it. I would love it if each of our rooms had matching (or mostly matching) furniture. We made our first major furniture purchase at Christmas when we bought our Ikea Malm queen sized (yea!) bed and and attaching nightstands. We have too many coffee tables, end tables, and dining room tables, to name a few. I would LOVE to organize a donation yard sale to raise money for my niece's medical expenses. I think the only remaining weekend we have to do this is next weekend. My sister is checking on a possible location. I just wonder if we'll get enough donations of things to sell to make the efforts worthwhile.
We have collected several pieces of unmatched furniture over the years. I'm over it. I would love it if each of our rooms had matching (or mostly matching) furniture. We made our first major furniture purchase at Christmas when we bought our Ikea Malm queen sized (yea!) bed and and attaching nightstands. We have too many coffee tables, end tables, and dining room tables, to name a few. I would LOVE to organize a donation yard sale to raise money for my niece's medical expenses. I think the only remaining weekend we have to do this is next weekend. My sister is checking on a possible location. I just wonder if we'll get enough donations of things to sell to make the efforts worthwhile.
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