We're four teeth fewer than we were this morning. Nick has needed to have his wisdom teeth out since before we met 5.5 years ago. There was construction between here and the oral surgeon in North Knoxville, both ways. There were billing issues, but the surgery went well. Nick came out telling the surgical assistants about several internal structures. She kept saying how smart he is. After a 45 minute recovery (generally 15-20 minutes), and some gagging issues, we were cleared to leave. We went to one pharmacy (he waited in the car), where no one would help me. Then I went to Walmart, where they couldn't verify the prescription. I bought a few groceries, got Nick a Frosty, and came back in hopes they had gotten in touch with the surgical group. After waiting in line again for several minutes, I finally got Nick some pain meds.
I've wrapped his head with bandages to hold baggies of frozen peas against his face and prepared another set of baggies for when these ones thaw. I'm baking potatoes to try my grandma's baked potato soup recipe. I may work on another soup to have something hearty and filling waiting for him when he needs to take medicine again. For the time being, he's laid up on the couch watching "My Dog Skip".
When I FINALLY got home today, I found Rollo surrounded by runny poo. He was tied to the door, as always, but he had gotten on our bed. Luckily, everything he touched was washable except his "puppy cloud", an old mattress cover we had given him. That's in the trash. I carried the dog outside and cleaned the carpets. The sheets are in the wash. The potatoes are in the oven. The husband is on the couch. And the dog is happily licking his paws.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Why I don't want to be a good wife and mother*
I don't want to be one of those women who sacrifices her life for everyone else around her. I want to help others to live while living, myself. I'm not sure why so many women choose to make themselves out to be martyrs. Telling me I'm a good wife or mother carries the implication that I'm somehow less of me because I'm defined by my role. I never want to be defined by my role - as a wife, mother, etc. That is not who I am. I am so much more than a pre-defined role.
Being a wife and mother has always appealed to me, but I see now that it's because of society that I feel this way. Knowing this doesn't make me want it any less, but I can now be more objective. It's a lie. We trick our daughters into believing that happiness comes in the form of a man who can provide for us and children who depend on us. We are both needy and needed, and both those needs are met.
I want to be defined by what I do, because I believe our actions reflect our selves more than anything else. Beliefs and attitudes are fleeting. I've often felt that I've had to weigh my choices in light of my role as a wife and potential mother. If there were a goal I wanted to accomplish, and pursuing it would somehow be detrimental to my marriage, I avoided it, resigning to believe that I couldn't because it would make me less of a good wife. Relationships are tricky, but at the end of the day I need to be able to answer to myself.
In other words, I'm no longer basing my career choices on what's best for my family. I don't even HAVE children, and it wouldn't be the end of the world if I never did. Relationships, like people, change. Commitment is a daily choice. Marriage is a choice we make every day.
*FYI - I'm not knocking anyone for aspiring to be a good wife and/or mother. It's society's fault. We are faulted when we don't put these roles first.
Being a wife and mother has always appealed to me, but I see now that it's because of society that I feel this way. Knowing this doesn't make me want it any less, but I can now be more objective. It's a lie. We trick our daughters into believing that happiness comes in the form of a man who can provide for us and children who depend on us. We are both needy and needed, and both those needs are met.
I want to be defined by what I do, because I believe our actions reflect our selves more than anything else. Beliefs and attitudes are fleeting. I've often felt that I've had to weigh my choices in light of my role as a wife and potential mother. If there were a goal I wanted to accomplish, and pursuing it would somehow be detrimental to my marriage, I avoided it, resigning to believe that I couldn't because it would make me less of a good wife. Relationships are tricky, but at the end of the day I need to be able to answer to myself.
In other words, I'm no longer basing my career choices on what's best for my family. I don't even HAVE children, and it wouldn't be the end of the world if I never did. Relationships, like people, change. Commitment is a daily choice. Marriage is a choice we make every day.
*FYI - I'm not knocking anyone for aspiring to be a good wife and/or mother. It's society's fault. We are faulted when we don't put these roles first.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
The Land of Opportunity
I had an interesting chat with one of my professors yesterday, in which he suggested I consider writing a thesis. A thesis is not required for my program, but he suggested that I wouldn't have to take comps if I completed one. Comps = a comprehensive exam that every Masters student must take to graduate. For my program, it's a 4-hour hand-written exam. It includes a detailed essay on my philosophy of counseling and analyzing a series of case studies. Anywho, a thesis has not been completed in my program up to this point, and I was told it would make the program look really good. We're only provisionally accredited (I think), so it might even boost the likelihood of full accreditation, although I'm sure we will get there, regardless. Plus, any research I would do to help the university would be welcomed, I would think.
He went on to tell me about conferences in the spring. I'm very interested in going, if only to listen and sit in on workshops and such. I LOVE reading and hearing about others' research. He said they were great for networking. And a thesis/conference attendance/networking would build my curriculum vita and could greatly help me to get into a Ph.D. program.
The question remains. I have been considering this path. Right now I want to focus on counseling. I've been thinking that if I found myself needing a Ph.D. to better serve my clients, it would be something I could pursue. Realistically, it's a huge time commitment, and I'm not getting any younger. If I'm going to seriously allow this to be in the realm of possibility, I need to start lining up my ducks now.
The idea of family planning always comes into play. Pursuing further graduate study would require me to put off having children again, now moving possible baby time from late twenties into early-mid thirties. That would be okay, but I'd still like to be done by 35. UGH. I wish I had gotten an earlier start on things, sometimes.
He went on to tell me about conferences in the spring. I'm very interested in going, if only to listen and sit in on workshops and such. I LOVE reading and hearing about others' research. He said they were great for networking. And a thesis/conference attendance/networking would build my curriculum vita and could greatly help me to get into a Ph.D. program.
The question remains. I have been considering this path. Right now I want to focus on counseling. I've been thinking that if I found myself needing a Ph.D. to better serve my clients, it would be something I could pursue. Realistically, it's a huge time commitment, and I'm not getting any younger. If I'm going to seriously allow this to be in the realm of possibility, I need to start lining up my ducks now.
The idea of family planning always comes into play. Pursuing further graduate study would require me to put off having children again, now moving possible baby time from late twenties into early-mid thirties. That would be okay, but I'd still like to be done by 35. UGH. I wish I had gotten an earlier start on things, sometimes.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
sleepy
I'm overwhelmed and overworked. It's such a switch from the past several months. I had to miss class tonight. I had one of those days where I just couldn't function. I left my headlights on at lunch and needed to get a jump from Nick. It was a long wait.
In better news, I started my GA position in counseling today. It's a switch from financial aid. FA work involves lots of shredding and filing so far. I think the counseling job will give me the opportunity to learn some really useful stuff and will require much greater responsibilities from me.
I have lots of stuff due this and next week. It's kind of crazy how everything's happening at once - my new jobs, tons of papers due. I'm having to cut back on running and social outings.
In better news, I started my GA position in counseling today. It's a switch from financial aid. FA work involves lots of shredding and filing so far. I think the counseling job will give me the opportunity to learn some really useful stuff and will require much greater responsibilities from me.
I have lots of stuff due this and next week. It's kind of crazy how everything's happening at once - my new jobs, tons of papers due. I'm having to cut back on running and social outings.
Friday, October 8, 2010
I must confess
While I love the idea of having a garden, I abhor gardening.
I like to cook. I like to bake. I HATE cleaning the kitchen and doing dishes. Nick used to help with that. Now it's all on me, so the last thing I want to do is cook or bake. I subdue the urge or I just let my kitchen go messy.
I don't want to be a doctor's wife. I already don't like this. I get ignored for weeks at a time. I do all the housework (and things outside the house!) I'm reconsidering the whole parenting thing. Seriously. Yes, I hope to have children, but I don't intend to be a single parent.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have a choice. I already made my choice. Or it was never my choice to make. But that's dumb. I'm not fatalistic. I ALWAYS have a choice. Not making a choice is a choice.
I really like just about all of my classmates. I look forward to going to class. Grad school rocks.
I now know why I got a degree in English - so I could go to graduate school. All we DO is write papers. I think I actually prefer APA to MLA. It's so much more user friendly. If only it would quit changing!
Staying physically fit is so much harder at 25 than 20. I don't know what happened in the past 5 years, but I hope it doesn't take me that long to get my body back. I DON'T intend to let it go any farther. It's not that I've put on much weight - maybe 5-10 lbs - it's that I've become a shape shifter. I'm jigglier. And like I said before, muffin tops are not cute.
Hanging out with lesbians makes me feel girlie. I'm not sure how this works. Maybe it's because I've never really run with a crowd of girls.
I feel kind of bad that Nick hasn't really developed any friendships with any guys here. We have a weird dynamic here in that most of the people he studies with are female, so their significant others are male, and I wouldn't hang out with men socially, outside of a group setting. Then there are the few girls he hangs out with who have girlfriends. So I hang out with them. Nick would probably be friends with the male partners of the girls in his groups, but he hardly sees anyone outside of school. I'm not sure why we haven't really paired up with any male med school students and their wives. Of the ones we've met, most have children. We aren't having kids now, so we don't have much in common. But whatever. I like our friends.
I like to cook. I like to bake. I HATE cleaning the kitchen and doing dishes. Nick used to help with that. Now it's all on me, so the last thing I want to do is cook or bake. I subdue the urge or I just let my kitchen go messy.
I don't want to be a doctor's wife. I already don't like this. I get ignored for weeks at a time. I do all the housework (and things outside the house!) I'm reconsidering the whole parenting thing. Seriously. Yes, I hope to have children, but I don't intend to be a single parent.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have a choice. I already made my choice. Or it was never my choice to make. But that's dumb. I'm not fatalistic. I ALWAYS have a choice. Not making a choice is a choice.
I really like just about all of my classmates. I look forward to going to class. Grad school rocks.
I now know why I got a degree in English - so I could go to graduate school. All we DO is write papers. I think I actually prefer APA to MLA. It's so much more user friendly. If only it would quit changing!
Staying physically fit is so much harder at 25 than 20. I don't know what happened in the past 5 years, but I hope it doesn't take me that long to get my body back. I DON'T intend to let it go any farther. It's not that I've put on much weight - maybe 5-10 lbs - it's that I've become a shape shifter. I'm jigglier. And like I said before, muffin tops are not cute.
Hanging out with lesbians makes me feel girlie. I'm not sure how this works. Maybe it's because I've never really run with a crowd of girls.
I feel kind of bad that Nick hasn't really developed any friendships with any guys here. We have a weird dynamic here in that most of the people he studies with are female, so their significant others are male, and I wouldn't hang out with men socially, outside of a group setting. Then there are the few girls he hangs out with who have girlfriends. So I hang out with them. Nick would probably be friends with the male partners of the girls in his groups, but he hardly sees anyone outside of school. I'm not sure why we haven't really paired up with any male med school students and their wives. Of the ones we've met, most have children. We aren't having kids now, so we don't have much in common. But whatever. I like our friends.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
I lied.
It's not quite that simple. I need to write this down so I can remember. Brynlee has one marker for Hurler's Syndrome. Most with this diagnosis have two. That can mean two things. Either both of her parents have the same mutation, or one has a mutation and the other has a deletion. Deletions are incredibly rare (we're already talking crazy odds!), so the most likely scenario is that deletions aren't involved, and both my sister and her husband have the same mutation.
So, I could be tested for the mutation. BUT, if it came back negative, it's still possible that I have a deletion. To test for both would be quite expensive. In other words, I should wait until my sister is able to be tested. She's currently at the Children's Hospital with Brynlee, and it will be several months before she can return home, where she would be able to have the tests.
In the meantime, the world continues to spin without me knowing if I can have children with my husband, or anyone for that matter.
So, I could be tested for the mutation. BUT, if it came back negative, it's still possible that I have a deletion. To test for both would be quite expensive. In other words, I should wait until my sister is able to be tested. She's currently at the Children's Hospital with Brynlee, and it will be several months before she can return home, where she would be able to have the tests.
In the meantime, the world continues to spin without me knowing if I can have children with my husband, or anyone for that matter.
Can I be honest?
I'm a little angry. And jealous. It's not because I want to have a baby right now and other people are, it's that it's so freaking easy for some people. It's not fair, but that's the definition of life. People who don't want babies get knocked up. People who want to have them sometimes can't. I'm feeling somewhere in the middle right now. I'm annoyed that there are additional steps for me. I'm a responsible person. When I found out my niece had a lysosomal storage disorder, I knew it would change the way I went about having a baby. My sister and I have several other siblings, but we're the only ones who shared in our genetic chance, having the same mother and father. Yes, it's autsomal recessive. Yes, that means that if we are both carriers, we only have a 25% chance of conceiving an affected baby. But that's operating under the assumption that only ONE of my parents is a carrier. Neither of my parents have been tested, but it doesn't matter for me if they are or aren't. At least one of them is a carrier, which means I have at least a 25% chance of being a carrier. If Nick's not a carrier, it doesn't matter if I am or not. But, that's not how genetic testing works. Regardless, a 25% chance of having a baby affected with MPS I is not a risk we're willing to take.
Step 1 is going to the OB/GYN to get a referral to the genetic testing center.
Step 2 is making an appointment with the genetic testing center and driving over an hour to be tested. I'm guessing it won't be that cut and dry. I'm guessing there will be a counseling session, then a blood test. I'm hoping we can do both at once.
Step 3 I'm guessing involves some more counseling to interpret results of the test. There's probably a decent amount of waiting time before this step.
If I'm a carrier, we'll need to have Nick tested. If he's a carrier, too, we'll have choices to make. My prediction is that I'm not a carrier and we won't have to find out if Nick is. That's the most likely scenario.
Maybe I should be grateful that I know I need to have this testing. But I'm still upset by it. I'm scared. I don't want to incur the cost. I don't know what kind of financial investment it will take to answer these questions.
Step 1 is going to the OB/GYN to get a referral to the genetic testing center.
Step 2 is making an appointment with the genetic testing center and driving over an hour to be tested. I'm guessing it won't be that cut and dry. I'm guessing there will be a counseling session, then a blood test. I'm hoping we can do both at once.
Step 3 I'm guessing involves some more counseling to interpret results of the test. There's probably a decent amount of waiting time before this step.
If I'm a carrier, we'll need to have Nick tested. If he's a carrier, too, we'll have choices to make. My prediction is that I'm not a carrier and we won't have to find out if Nick is. That's the most likely scenario.
Maybe I should be grateful that I know I need to have this testing. But I'm still upset by it. I'm scared. I don't want to incur the cost. I don't know what kind of financial investment it will take to answer these questions.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Muffins are cute.
Muffin tops are NOT. I'm going running at the park today. It's happening. I generally wear a 1/2 in pants. I'm currently hanging over my size 3/4 jeans. I mentioned to my friends (who happen to be personal trainers) that I either need to get in shape or buy bigger pants. One told me not to ever buy bigger pants. I agree. So I'm running. Here's the thing, regardless of what size we are, we all have an optimal size. This is where we are most healthy. For me, it's about a size 2. It makes sense, since I'm knee-high to a duck. If I had a larger structure - taller, longer bones, larger muscles, etc. - I would have a higher optimum size. I think some of us are blessed with structures that are easier to maintain. For example, I could be 6 inches taller with the same width. It would be easier to keep my shape. But, I'm not. I'm just over 5 feet tall and a bit hippy. I come from a family of pears. I'm currently a fairly narrow pair, but I'm a pair nonetheless. I don't want to be a round pear. So I'm going running.
Don't get me wrong. I don't have body image issues. I just think it's time I get serious about my health. If the way my body looks is any indication of the health of my heart, I need to get in better shape. Plus, the fact that I can't fit into half my pants right now is a practical reason to run. Running is free. Buying new clothes is not.
Don't get me wrong. I don't have body image issues. I just think it's time I get serious about my health. If the way my body looks is any indication of the health of my heart, I need to get in better shape. Plus, the fact that I can't fit into half my pants right now is a practical reason to run. Running is free. Buying new clothes is not.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The one in which I get a little weird
Just a couple more months until my 26th birthday. I've been asking myself why this is such a significant birthday for me. I can come up with two explanations.
1. My mom was 26 when I was born. If you want to get technical, I'm now older than she was when I was conceived. I'm not the oldest. She was 21 when my sister was born. There are several women in my family having babies into their 40s, my mom included. I don't think I'll want to be having babies then, but I can't know that now. My sister had her first baby at 24 and her second at 30. I guess I always hoped I would have a baby by 25, especially since I married young. We're going on 5 baby-free years of marriage. It looks like it may be a bit longer. I want to be finished with grad school before we do the parenting thing. I think I'll be facing a fork in the road when I graduate with my master's. I will be 27. Four-five years of a Ph.D. would put me at 31-32 when I would finish. I now see nothing wrong with starting a family in my early thirties. Nick would be through his first (toughest) year of residency. The current rule is that I can't have children after 35. And since I'm completely opposed to having more than one baby in the house at a time, this limits the number of children we can have. Regardless, I'm in no hurry to enter the mommy club.
2. I have had this weird concern of being 27 since I can remember. It makes no sense, and I can't tell you where I came up with this idea, but at some point I thought that I might not live to see 28. In the same weird sense, I have always had a sinking feeling that I may not have children. Part of me (the impractical part) wants to have a baby before I turn 27 just so I can know that I'm wrong. It's childish silliness. I'm certain it's something I came up with in childhood, when 27 seemed so far away. I have contributions to make to this world, and there's no way I can make them in the next year or so. So time can't be up yet. Did you hear that, keeper of the hourglass? :)
1. My mom was 26 when I was born. If you want to get technical, I'm now older than she was when I was conceived. I'm not the oldest. She was 21 when my sister was born. There are several women in my family having babies into their 40s, my mom included. I don't think I'll want to be having babies then, but I can't know that now. My sister had her first baby at 24 and her second at 30. I guess I always hoped I would have a baby by 25, especially since I married young. We're going on 5 baby-free years of marriage. It looks like it may be a bit longer. I want to be finished with grad school before we do the parenting thing. I think I'll be facing a fork in the road when I graduate with my master's. I will be 27. Four-five years of a Ph.D. would put me at 31-32 when I would finish. I now see nothing wrong with starting a family in my early thirties. Nick would be through his first (toughest) year of residency. The current rule is that I can't have children after 35. And since I'm completely opposed to having more than one baby in the house at a time, this limits the number of children we can have. Regardless, I'm in no hurry to enter the mommy club.
2. I have had this weird concern of being 27 since I can remember. It makes no sense, and I can't tell you where I came up with this idea, but at some point I thought that I might not live to see 28. In the same weird sense, I have always had a sinking feeling that I may not have children. Part of me (the impractical part) wants to have a baby before I turn 27 just so I can know that I'm wrong. It's childish silliness. I'm certain it's something I came up with in childhood, when 27 seemed so far away. I have contributions to make to this world, and there's no way I can make them in the next year or so. So time can't be up yet. Did you hear that, keeper of the hourglass? :)
Friday, September 24, 2010
I just have to say this before I explode.
We should not be debating whether a woman has a "right" to have an abortion. Whether they do or do not, they're having them. If we acknowledge that abortion is the ending of a life, then we should be looking for ways to decrease the frequency of abortions. Abortions don't seem to be the result of careless decision making. It seems as though most women who seek them have wrestled with their thoughts a great deal. Certainly, they believe there's no other better option.
I think religion sometimes clouds our ability to reason. The abortion debate is fueled by hate. HATE. Jesus told us to love. LOVE. Love takes understanding. Love comes from a place of humility. Love is not prideful. Don't tell me you're voting the Bible if you vote Republican just because you think abortion is bad. Everyone thinks abortion is bad. We need to be more solution-focused and engage the hearts and brains God gave us.
I think religion sometimes clouds our ability to reason. The abortion debate is fueled by hate. HATE. Jesus told us to love. LOVE. Love takes understanding. Love comes from a place of humility. Love is not prideful. Don't tell me you're voting the Bible if you vote Republican just because you think abortion is bad. Everyone thinks abortion is bad. We need to be more solution-focused and engage the hearts and brains God gave us.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Friday
*This is an incredibly boring blog post*
I haven't looked at my to-do list all week, but I feel like I got a lot accomplished. I made my chocolate turtle cheesecake tonight and did several loads of laundry. More importantly, I put away a bunch of clothes. I have a lot to do tomorrow, but I think it's do-able, especially since the cheesecake is already made. I'm going to have to go to Virginia to buy triple sec. I haven't been there yet. I'm planning on making a large batch of margaritas tomorrow for our guests.
Grocery store
Finish putting away clothes
Wash Rollo's blankets
Clean up living room
Clean bedroom
Wash dishes
Put away dishes in dishwasher
Clean kitchen/bathrooms
Vacuum
Pick up media room
I'm hoping Nick will be willing to clean up in the media room, since it's exclusively his mess. I also have some pictures to hang and some items that need to be taken out to storage. I'm estimating it's all about a three hour job.
I haven't looked at my to-do list all week, but I feel like I got a lot accomplished. I made my chocolate turtle cheesecake tonight and did several loads of laundry. More importantly, I put away a bunch of clothes. I have a lot to do tomorrow, but I think it's do-able, especially since the cheesecake is already made. I'm going to have to go to Virginia to buy triple sec. I haven't been there yet. I'm planning on making a large batch of margaritas tomorrow for our guests.
Grocery store
Finish putting away clothes
Wash Rollo's blankets
Clean up living room
Clean bedroom
Wash dishes
Put away dishes in dishwasher
Clean kitchen/bathrooms
Vacuum
Pick up media room
I'm hoping Nick will be willing to clean up in the media room, since it's exclusively his mess. I also have some pictures to hang and some items that need to be taken out to storage. I'm estimating it's all about a three hour job.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Tuesday
I want to make this
I'm going to look for a branch that I can spray paint with metallic paint. I'll use wire to attach tea light holders. And I'll mount it to the bathroom wall with nails and wire. I'll let you know how it goes.
We're having people over for cheesecake on Friday, so I need to get this place clean. We haven't had anyone over since we moved here in July, so it's never been completely presentable. I had unpacked, but I still have things in piles.
In other news, I decided to be a girl today - shave my legs, wear a dress, eyeliner, paint my toenails, the whole 9 yards. We're going out to dinner, and I'm sure I'll be waaaay overdressed. Please realize that we only go out to dinner every month or two.
I'm seriously considering taking up physical fitness as a hobby. I don't know what that means.
I'm going to look for a branch that I can spray paint with metallic paint. I'll use wire to attach tea light holders. And I'll mount it to the bathroom wall with nails and wire. I'll let you know how it goes.
We're having people over for cheesecake on Friday, so I need to get this place clean. We haven't had anyone over since we moved here in July, so it's never been completely presentable. I had unpacked, but I still have things in piles.
In other news, I decided to be a girl today - shave my legs, wear a dress, eyeliner, paint my toenails, the whole 9 yards. We're going out to dinner, and I'm sure I'll be waaaay overdressed. Please realize that we only go out to dinner every month or two.
I'm seriously considering taking up physical fitness as a hobby. I don't know what that means.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
This week
I have a to-do list four miles long. So, I'm going to post a plan for this week.
Sunday:
Career Counseling reading and discussion board assignment
Personalities and Mental Health discussion board replies
Clean bedroom
Laundry
GRE vocab
Monday:
Clean living room
Read for GD
GRE vocab
Tuesday:
Clean every room still unclean
GRE vocab
Read for P&MH
Group Dynamics observation
After exam celebration
Wednesday:
P&MH
GD paper
Thursday:
Group Dynamics
Make cheesecake
GRE vocab
Friday:
Finish cleaning
Game night
Sunday:
Career Counseling reading and discussion board assignment
Personalities and Mental Health discussion board replies
Clean bedroom
Laundry
GRE vocab
Monday:
Clean living room
Read for GD
GRE vocab
Tuesday:
Clean every room still unclean
GRE vocab
Read for P&MH
Group Dynamics observation
After exam celebration
Wednesday:
P&MH
GD paper
Thursday:
Group Dynamics
Make cheesecake
GRE vocab
Friday:
Finish cleaning
Game night
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Bone marrow transplant
It's happening in an hour. Today my baby niece gets her new immune system.
Go, Brynlee!
Go, Brynlee!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
"Are you doing something productive?"
I must have been around 10 years old when my step-dad asked me this. I remember it well. I was standing at the kitchen sink with my back towards my parents who were sitting on the living room couch. I was rinsing a gallon jug out with water, likely playing in the water more than rinsing. I don't remember why I was rinsing the jug, but I remember him asking me this question and it occurring to me for the first time that I should, perhaps, be investing my time more wisely.
I think about time an awful lot. Our moments here are numbered. Regardless of what we believe about the afterlife, everybody leaves this life at some point. I often ask myself if what I'm doing with my time is a good investment. What are my goals? What purpose are my efforts serving? Why did it take me three attempts to correctly spell the word "serving"? Does the question mark go after the quotations or before? I looked it up. I think after is correct.
Anywho, my goals haven't been solidified. There's a chance that I may want to apply to a Ph.D. program someday, and I have to take the GRE by the end of this semester, so I'm going to start preparing. I watch the amount of effort and time Nick puts into learning his medical school material, and I wonder what we all could accomplish if we worked that hard. I'm looking into Counseling Psychology and Counseling Education programs. Psychology programs are ridiculously competitive. I'm not sure about the latter. Either would mean putting family on the back burner for another 4-6 years after I graduate with my Masters. I would probably start sometime between Nick's 3rd year of medical school and his first year of residency. I hate to put off having children until our mid 30s, especially understanding the medical risks, but I'm not having children until an income is in sight.
Back to my original point - I'm going to start studying for the GRE. My undergrad GPA isn't anything to write home about. I need stellar grades in my Masters program and a rockin' GRE score.
I think about time an awful lot. Our moments here are numbered. Regardless of what we believe about the afterlife, everybody leaves this life at some point. I often ask myself if what I'm doing with my time is a good investment. What are my goals? What purpose are my efforts serving? Why did it take me three attempts to correctly spell the word "serving"? Does the question mark go after the quotations or before? I looked it up. I think after is correct.
Anywho, my goals haven't been solidified. There's a chance that I may want to apply to a Ph.D. program someday, and I have to take the GRE by the end of this semester, so I'm going to start preparing. I watch the amount of effort and time Nick puts into learning his medical school material, and I wonder what we all could accomplish if we worked that hard. I'm looking into Counseling Psychology and Counseling Education programs. Psychology programs are ridiculously competitive. I'm not sure about the latter. Either would mean putting family on the back burner for another 4-6 years after I graduate with my Masters. I would probably start sometime between Nick's 3rd year of medical school and his first year of residency. I hate to put off having children until our mid 30s, especially understanding the medical risks, but I'm not having children until an income is in sight.
Back to my original point - I'm going to start studying for the GRE. My undergrad GPA isn't anything to write home about. I need stellar grades in my Masters program and a rockin' GRE score.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Labor day
I need to keep busy. I do so well when I'm busy. Today I scrubbed out the kitchen sink and window. The window was disgusting. It was actually painted shut, so I had to pry it open with a knife. I tried to clean the outside of the window, but I can't reach it, so I threw water on it to try to debugify (shut up, Firefox, it's a word) it.
Yesterday we checked out the national park and did a 2 mile fitness trail. It involves lots of hills, twists, and turns on a narrow, sometimes gravel-covered, trail. Rollo loved it. The trail is pretty narrow, though, and I'm not sure how he would do around people if Nick weren't there to pick him up every time we passed someone. I might take him for a jog by myself and see how it goes.
I made pizza yesterday - roma tomatoes, basil from my garden, and homemade garlic onion crust. It was fantastic. I think homemade pizza is the only pizza I like.
I have lots of errands to run, but nothing can be done until I get the car insured and registered in this state. Then I need to get to the post office, vet, and grocery store.
In other news, I've started pre-research for my research paper. I'm currently looking at articles on Factitious disorder. Interesting stuff.
Oh hey! I finally finished and hung my kitchen window shade.
Yesterday we checked out the national park and did a 2 mile fitness trail. It involves lots of hills, twists, and turns on a narrow, sometimes gravel-covered, trail. Rollo loved it. The trail is pretty narrow, though, and I'm not sure how he would do around people if Nick weren't there to pick him up every time we passed someone. I might take him for a jog by myself and see how it goes.
I made pizza yesterday - roma tomatoes, basil from my garden, and homemade garlic onion crust. It was fantastic. I think homemade pizza is the only pizza I like.
I have lots of errands to run, but nothing can be done until I get the car insured and registered in this state. Then I need to get to the post office, vet, and grocery store.
In other news, I've started pre-research for my research paper. I'm currently looking at articles on Factitious disorder. Interesting stuff.
Oh hey! I finally finished and hung my kitchen window shade.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
I'm a potato
"Po-Taaay-Toe" (a la LOTR)
I am what I eat. I'm mostly carbs. Simple sugars. The grains of hell. I like veggies. I like fruits. I have a problem with produce in my home. I usually end up throwing it out before I eat it. I always have intentions for my purchases, but somehow they start to get icky before I ever consume them. I want an apple today, but I may not want apples after today. Maybe I need to take a daily trip to the supermarket. Stocking my fridge with healthy foods isn't the answer. The answer is carefully planned meals. The real answer is exercise. Like, um, running. I'm supposed to be training for this 5K but I'm needing some support. No one wants to run with me. I thought my husband was on board and was putting together a team. Nope.
Thanks to a guest speaker at Nick's medical school, I now know where I need to go and what I need to do to get tested to see if I'm a carrier for MPS I. I need to make some phone calls to see if any genetic testing centers will accept my insurance. If I can find one, I'll need to go and talk to a genetic counselor, I suppose. This has to be done. I have to know.
I am what I eat. I'm mostly carbs. Simple sugars. The grains of hell. I like veggies. I like fruits. I have a problem with produce in my home. I usually end up throwing it out before I eat it. I always have intentions for my purchases, but somehow they start to get icky before I ever consume them. I want an apple today, but I may not want apples after today. Maybe I need to take a daily trip to the supermarket. Stocking my fridge with healthy foods isn't the answer. The answer is carefully planned meals. The real answer is exercise. Like, um, running. I'm supposed to be training for this 5K but I'm needing some support. No one wants to run with me. I thought my husband was on board and was putting together a team. Nope.
Thanks to a guest speaker at Nick's medical school, I now know where I need to go and what I need to do to get tested to see if I'm a carrier for MPS I. I need to make some phone calls to see if any genetic testing centers will accept my insurance. If I can find one, I'll need to go and talk to a genetic counselor, I suppose. This has to be done. I have to know.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Kid, you'll move mountains
I like where I am. I feel like I'm diving head first into a world that's welcoming me. And for the first time, I'm welcoming it. I haven't felt this way since I fell in love with my husband. I'm falling in love with the field of counseling. I've never been in a place in my life where I had the opportunity to pursue this path before. I keep finding myself wondering why everyone doesn't do this. I know the answer to that, but I find it so immensely satisfying that I can't imagine doing anything else.
Getting to this point hasn't been easy. But now that I look back on where I've been, I can see how I could have been happy pursuing counseling before. The stars have aligned. Opportunity has met my willpower.
On top of everything clicking for me, I've been really proud of my recent accomplishments. These are little things, for certain, but I would definitely not be warming a seat in my classes if I hadn't persevered through the application process. At every turn have been obstacles. From misplaced transcripts (I attended four undergraduate institutions) to asking one of my recommendation writers to hand-write a second letter on my behalf when the first hadn't been received, I have pushed through. I could have given up many times, as there have been multiple hiccups, but I'm so glad I did this for myself.
I could have graduated from college at 21, pursued my masters and graduated at 23. I could be licensed by now and possibly starting a PhD program. Instead, I've been living my life, taking wrong turns and U-turns. I've fallen in love with a man who gave me his name, who shares my goofy sense of humor, who doesn't let a day go by without making sure I laugh. We've transformed a Jack Russell Terrorist into a well-behaved, if slightly emotionally needy, sweet dog. And we've made a way for Nick to pursue his dreams of becoming a physician. We may not have many degrees, letters behind our names, a house deed, money in savings, jobs, or offspring to show for it, but we're accomplished at 25 and 26. We're working hard to make our dreams a reality, and although we haven't arrived at our respective goals, we have worked hard to get where we are now. As they say, the hardest part is getting accepted.
I didn't have a sniff of what I wanted to do at 21. I didn't have the courage to commit myself to a career path, and I certainly didn't have the emotional maturity to pursue a field like mental health counseling. I'm happy to be on the verge of 26, doing what I am right now.
Getting to this point hasn't been easy. But now that I look back on where I've been, I can see how I could have been happy pursuing counseling before. The stars have aligned. Opportunity has met my willpower.
On top of everything clicking for me, I've been really proud of my recent accomplishments. These are little things, for certain, but I would definitely not be warming a seat in my classes if I hadn't persevered through the application process. At every turn have been obstacles. From misplaced transcripts (I attended four undergraduate institutions) to asking one of my recommendation writers to hand-write a second letter on my behalf when the first hadn't been received, I have pushed through. I could have given up many times, as there have been multiple hiccups, but I'm so glad I did this for myself.
I could have graduated from college at 21, pursued my masters and graduated at 23. I could be licensed by now and possibly starting a PhD program. Instead, I've been living my life, taking wrong turns and U-turns. I've fallen in love with a man who gave me his name, who shares my goofy sense of humor, who doesn't let a day go by without making sure I laugh. We've transformed a Jack Russell Terrorist into a well-behaved, if slightly emotionally needy, sweet dog. And we've made a way for Nick to pursue his dreams of becoming a physician. We may not have many degrees, letters behind our names, a house deed, money in savings, jobs, or offspring to show for it, but we're accomplished at 25 and 26. We're working hard to make our dreams a reality, and although we haven't arrived at our respective goals, we have worked hard to get where we are now. As they say, the hardest part is getting accepted.
I didn't have a sniff of what I wanted to do at 21. I didn't have the courage to commit myself to a career path, and I certainly didn't have the emotional maturity to pursue a field like mental health counseling. I'm happy to be on the verge of 26, doing what I am right now.
Monday, August 30, 2010
I won.
I did not get my group observation completed today. Instead, I spent the better part of the day battling my toilet. Since we've moved in, Nick has had several run-ins with his. I've gotten onto him many times for stopping it up, and now I feel bad, because I know now how very sensitive they are.
It was a very small clog, as water still seemed to be draining. I googled "how to plunge a toilet" and quickly discovered that our two plungers are actually sink plungers. Who plunges a sink? I knew that Nick has used these successfully on more than one occasion, so a plungin' did I go. I attempted this several times throughout the day with no avail. I even did as one website suggested and poured hot, soapy water into the toilet. All this did was make a bubbly, poopy mess. Once Nick got home with the car, I took off to Walmart for a TOILET plunger. I came home with a $3 plastic accordion-like contraption. I took a few more goes at it before I threw up my freshly-washed hands, collapsed on the futon, and cried.
I was pretty sure all hope was lost. Even with the bathroom window open, the smell was starting to permeate into the bedroom. It's not that the smell was so bad on its own, it's just that every plunging attempt stirred up the aroma. I had to breathe through my mouth so not to add vomit to the mix. Nick suggested I add bleach, since the smell of bleach "will kill anything." It actually helped. I went in for one final go, gathered up all the hellfire of my PMS behind me and plunged the shit out of it.
I won.
From now on, there will be no more flushing even the "flushable" part of tampons at my house. Please remember this if you ever visit. Or I will send you in with the plastic accordion plunger, and the guest bathroom doesn't have a window.
It was a very small clog, as water still seemed to be draining. I googled "how to plunge a toilet" and quickly discovered that our two plungers are actually sink plungers. Who plunges a sink? I knew that Nick has used these successfully on more than one occasion, so a plungin' did I go. I attempted this several times throughout the day with no avail. I even did as one website suggested and poured hot, soapy water into the toilet. All this did was make a bubbly, poopy mess. Once Nick got home with the car, I took off to Walmart for a TOILET plunger. I came home with a $3 plastic accordion-like contraption. I took a few more goes at it before I threw up my freshly-washed hands, collapsed on the futon, and cried.
I was pretty sure all hope was lost. Even with the bathroom window open, the smell was starting to permeate into the bedroom. It's not that the smell was so bad on its own, it's just that every plunging attempt stirred up the aroma. I had to breathe through my mouth so not to add vomit to the mix. Nick suggested I add bleach, since the smell of bleach "will kill anything." It actually helped. I went in for one final go, gathered up all the hellfire of my PMS behind me and plunged the shit out of it.
I won.
From now on, there will be no more flushing even the "flushable" part of tampons at my house. Please remember this if you ever visit. Or I will send you in with the plastic accordion plunger, and the guest bathroom doesn't have a window.
I need to get my rear in gear....so much to do!
I need to get my group observation done. I think I may find a coffee shop or restaurant and hang out for a bit. The assignment is really informal, but I still feel silly "observing." Other than that, I just have a bit of reading to do for this week - three chapters. It sounds like a lot, but it's fairly reasonable reading. We don't have exams in our classes of which I'm aware, but we do have comprehensive examinations at the end of our program AND I'll need to know my stuff well enough to pass the licensing exams.
I want to bake some cookies this week. I need to get some things together for a care package for my sister. I'm also working on spreading the word about Brynlee around here.
I've been doing laundry all day, but my kitchen really needs help. I think if I could just get it all the way clean one time I'd be able to keep up with it. It's small. Everything doesn't have a place yet, so I'm always moving things out of my way. My hopes for the future are that one day I'll have a kitchen large enough that everything has a comfortable space.
I NEED to run. I haven't been keeping up with my training, and race day is getting closer. Ugh, I hate races. I thought signing up for one would motivate me to get into a routine, but it's had the opposite effect.
I want to bake some cookies this week. I need to get some things together for a care package for my sister. I'm also working on spreading the word about Brynlee around here.
I've been doing laundry all day, but my kitchen really needs help. I think if I could just get it all the way clean one time I'd be able to keep up with it. It's small. Everything doesn't have a place yet, so I'm always moving things out of my way. My hopes for the future are that one day I'll have a kitchen large enough that everything has a comfortable space.
I NEED to run. I haven't been keeping up with my training, and race day is getting closer. Ugh, I hate races. I thought signing up for one would motivate me to get into a routine, but it's had the opposite effect.
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