Can I be honest?

I'm a little angry. And jealous. It's not because I want to have a baby right now and other people are, it's that it's so freaking easy for some people. It's not fair, but that's the definition of life. People who don't want babies get knocked up. People who want to have them sometimes can't. I'm feeling somewhere in the middle right now. I'm annoyed that there are additional steps for me. I'm a responsible person. When I found out my niece had a lysosomal storage disorder, I knew it would change the way I went about having a baby. My sister and I have several other siblings, but we're the only ones who shared in our genetic chance, having the same mother and father. Yes, it's autsomal recessive. Yes, that means that if we are both carriers, we only have a 25% chance of conceiving an affected baby. But that's operating under the assumption that only ONE of my parents is a carrier. Neither of my parents have been tested, but it doesn't matter for me if they are or aren't. At least one of them is a carrier, which means I have at least a 25% chance of being a carrier. If Nick's not a carrier, it doesn't matter if I am or not. But, that's not how genetic testing works. Regardless, a 25% chance of having a baby affected with MPS I is not a risk we're willing to take.

Step 1 is going to the OB/GYN to get a referral to the genetic testing center.
Step 2 is making an appointment with the genetic testing center and driving over an hour to be tested. I'm guessing it won't be that cut and dry. I'm guessing there will be a counseling session, then a blood test. I'm hoping we can do both at once.
Step 3 I'm guessing involves some more counseling to interpret results of the test. There's probably a decent amount of waiting time before this step.

If I'm a carrier, we'll need to have Nick tested. If he's a carrier, too, we'll have choices to make. My prediction is that I'm not a carrier and we won't have to find out if Nick is. That's the most likely scenario.

Maybe I should be grateful that I know I need to have this testing. But I'm still upset by it. I'm scared. I don't want to incur the cost. I don't know what kind of financial investment it will take to answer these questions.