Why I don't want to be a good wife and mother*

I don't want to be one of those women who sacrifices her life for everyone else around her. I want to help others to live while living, myself. I'm not sure why so many women choose to make themselves out to be martyrs. Telling me I'm a good wife or mother carries the implication that I'm somehow less of me because I'm defined by my role. I never want to be defined by my role - as a wife, mother, etc. That is not who I am. I am so much more than a pre-defined role.

Being a wife and mother has always appealed to me, but I see now that it's because of society that I feel this way. Knowing this doesn't make me want it any less, but I can now be more objective. It's a lie. We trick our daughters into believing that happiness comes in the form of a man who can provide for us and children who depend on us. We are both needy and needed, and both those needs are met.

I want to be defined by what I do, because I believe our actions reflect our selves more than anything else. Beliefs and attitudes are fleeting. I've often felt that I've had to weigh my choices in light of my role as a wife and potential mother. If there were a goal I wanted to accomplish, and pursuing it would somehow be detrimental to my marriage, I avoided it, resigning to believe that I couldn't because it would make me less of a good wife. Relationships are tricky, but at the end of the day I need to be able to answer to myself.

In other words, I'm no longer basing my career choices on what's best for my family. I don't even HAVE children, and it wouldn't be the end of the world if I never did. Relationships, like people, change. Commitment is a daily choice. Marriage is a choice we make every day.

*FYI - I'm not knocking anyone for aspiring to be a good wife and/or mother. It's society's fault. We are faulted when we don't put these roles first.